“Practice self compassion” by Aga Lawrynowicz
If only someone had explained to me the concept of self-compassion and self-understanding. As I was undergoing menopause at the time, I was working long hours in a corporate job, Greece's economic and political situation was precarious, my daughter had a health issue that forced us to travel to England, and in the middle of all this, my family and I made the decision to relocate to the United States.
My only constant throughout the year was change. There was no time to process everything, or perhaps I should say I didn't allow myself to do so. Having known about self-compassion at that time, I would have been able to accept all the changes more easily by being open, understanding, and accepting all my feelings. Even though I am still learning, I am in a better position than I was seven years ago. In my opinion, self-compassion is not only about accepting oneself, but also setting a good example for my teenagers.
It was last year that I had a very interesting chat with Aga, live on Instagram, and we discussed the importance of self-compassion. Aga wrote a wonderful post about this and she graciously agreed to allow me to publish it here.
“The number one problem for moms is that they don’t feel entitled to care for themselves.
There is always so much to do and so many people to care for, that for many self-compassion is an abstract term.
I can’t emphasize enough how important self-compassion is.
Here are two reasons why self-compassion is not self-indulgence:
We wish for our kids to feel worthy, happy, and fulfilled. Is it possible for them to feel this way while being hard on themselves? Not really!
Kids don’t do what we say but do what we do.
That makes an excellent argument for you to practice self-compassion. In fact, the more compassion you can access for yourself, the more you have for others. That makes you a better parent, partner, friend, and overall human. All that while setting a great example for your children.
Compassion makes you more resilient.
Motherhood often sends us on a personal growth journey. That may mean facing your shadows and sometimes hitting the rock bottom. All that while trying to raise a family, keep your exercise routine, or whatever else you need to do for your sanity.
Compassion is an excellent catalyst when growing as a person. It helps you embrace the journey and keep going. It also is the force behind your persistence, after your fall off the wagon of your routines.
Deepening your self-compassion means getting closer and more intimate with yourself. It transforms your inner critic into your personal cheerleader. It is grace, softness, and forgiveness. “
Three ideas to begin your self-compassion practice:
SUPPORTIVE TOUCH
Place your right hand on your belly and your left hand on your heart (try also the other way around and see if you have a preference). Take a few deep and slow breaths and notice how your chest and belly move with your breath.
Wrap your arms around your body, as if you were giving yourself a hug. Squeeze yourself with pressure that feels good to you. Hold it for as long as you want.
DECONSTRUCT YOUR INNER CRITIC
When your inner critic appears and makes you engage in negative self-talk, try to catch yourself and reflect on what your habitual response to it is. List a few things that you typically say to yourself in such a situation. Imagine that you are dealing with your dear friend instead of yourself. What would you say to your friend when they are in pain/suffering? Do you see a difference between these two responses?
LOVING-KINDNESS MEDITATION (METTA)
This meditation expands our capacity to care by expressing well wishes for ourselves, our loved ones, people we don't know, and people with whom we have a challenging relationship.
This is an incredibly effective practice. First, try guided meditation, and when you feel ready, you can do it on your own. “
Thank you Aga for letting me publish this amazing post, I really, really appreciated.
Aga, is a mom and a coacher currently taking a break to focus on her two amazing kids and family.
